There are many things Dawn and I are thankful for, and one of them is the extremely low probability that we will be sued by Walmart.

Let me day dream here for a moment:  Obama becomes President of United States and uses the red phone to order air strikes on the homes of Walmart executives.

Not going to be shopping there ever again.

The title of this post seems like a very ordinary thing. Except that I have not stepped foot in a movie rental store in years. Netflix is second only to Gmail and Flickr in my short short list of Internet sites I cannot live without. But Netflix failed me last night (I know you will argue this claim as your read further).

Dawn came home yesterday and despite her condition, there’s only so much sleeping you can do. She cannot use her left arm and is weighed down my various post op attachments and bandages. Sitting is uncomfortable due to the elevation I assume.

So the likely solution we came up with was to watch movies. I rolled our old 27″ tube TV into the bedroom and looked through our current batch of Netflix movies. Uh-oh.

Alaska IMAX: I really don’t know why I ever put this movie in the queue. It’s been in our house for three weeks now and I haven’t watched it, so no way is Dawn, no matter how bored.

No Country For Old Men: I watched it the other night and while good, far too depressing and violent for Dawn even when she’s not a day out of surgery.

Easter Promises: I had watched about 30 minutes of this movie and could only recall one bloody scene. I know Dawn likes Viggo Mortensen (aka Strider) and so I told her to cover her eyes when he goes to dispose of the dead guy and then I’d come in and watch the rest with her.

About 30 minutes later Dawn called me in, with an expression that was partly tears and partly “what the hell were you thinking?” Apparently, and Dawn has reminded me of this several times in the past 12 hours, I forgot to mention that what also happens in the first 30 minutes is:

1. Someones throat is cut open.
2. A young pregnant girl passes out in a pool of blood.
3. A birth scene where the young girl dies.
4. Then, dead guy gets fingers cut off.

I feel terrible. I don’t know where my head is - I honestly didn’t recall all that stuff happening. After Dawn fell asleep, I watched the rest of Eastern Promises and well I’m glad she stopped it when she did, although Viggo Mortenson does end up fighting completely in the nude (good for Dawn). Of course he also ends up stabbing a knife into a heart, a head and an eye all in that same scene (bad for Dawn).

So with the Netflix queue failing our immediate movie needs, I visited Family Video for the first time. It was a strange experience for me honestly. Not only did it feel like I had been transported back in time, but while browsing I saw hundreds of movies that I’ve never heard of. Tons of crappy movies that never reach my radar since my portal to movies is the Netflix recommendation engine and friends. So thanks to Family Video, I now am aware of movies like Lake Placid 2 and Delta Farce.

Oh and I am now re-acquainted with the concept of “late fees”.

Hopefully the stack I brought back will be void of themes like cutting body parts, pools of blood and pregnancies that end in death. Now taking movie recommendations for Dawn.

Dawn and I are puzzled over the socks she had to wear going into surgery. I have several theories but am interested if anyone knows for sure why there are holes in these socks. And I should note that we’re pretty certain the instructions were to NOT put her toes through the holes.

I drove Dawn to Iowa City this morning for her surgery. I left her to the doctors around 11am and didn’t see her again until after 6pm. The surgery went without complication, however they did find cancer in one of her lymph nodes.

I don’t know how to react to that news yet since more pathology needs to be done and discussion with the doctors once Dawn’s less drugged tomorrow. Dawn was more positive going into the surgery than I could imagine, and then after the news tonight she was visibly angry. As angry as one could be coming off of anesthesia and onto morphine.

It was hard seeing her laying there all bandaged up and drugged, the realization that another part of Dawn is gone. Cancer is such a terrible and ugly word, and for good reason.

I appreciate all the phone calls and text messages today and I passed them onto Dawn, and even managed to make her laugh before she feel asleep. Everyone’s support in getting Dawn strong and healthy going into today I believe will pay dividends in the coming months. The photo below is proof of what your support resulted in this morning as Dawn went into surgery.

The day started out a bit unnerving but after I did yoga and meditated I was able to feel calm and present. The day flew by from there.  Thanks to Holly and Kerri we got tickets to the show!   My aunts and my mom came in town.  We found a poem book that my dad’s mom use to read to him and my aunts.  It was very special to hear them read some of the poems.

I spent some time truly appreciating my community. I am so thankful to all of you for your support.  I am so lucky to have found this place and to be embraced as I have.  Thank-you.

I will be in surgery tomorrow at 10am for about three hours. Will will post on Thursday evening.

Made with fd’s Flickr Toys.

My plan for tomorrow has been foiled! And I needed a good easy plan. P goes to school while I do my meditation and yoga, then we would have lunch, then go to the afternoon show of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe and then my aunts would be in town. But no! It is sold out! What about my plans? How can they be sold out of 500 tickets for a 1pm show? Doesn’t anybody work in this town?

Oh…. All is well. Peace. I am a powerful being of light. ;-)

My mom called me last night and wanted to go with me to my pre-op appointments today.  That was great.

The surgery doesn’t sound that bad.  It’s all perspective.   The last time I was scared shit less and it was a much more complicated procedure.  I just shut down.  I was so afraid.

Today I just feel acceptance.  I am getting a mastectomy. It’s a relief, there is no more fighting it.  I think things could be hard for me after the surgery. But I don’t need to go there.  Today all is well.

From the Onion: Army Holds Annual ‘Bring Your Daughter To War’ Day

My mind wandered to self-indulgent and pity thoughts.  For the most part though my mind was in the present with family.  Tomorrow is my pre-op appointments.  I hoped my tumor would be smaller and I would get a ultrasound confirming this.  But I can tell it is not smaller.  I’ll sleep with angels tonight though.  Either way I’m ready.